Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 In our country, we look at that, that tough it up mentality. The problem is, is that it can be like tough it up, gone wrong. And the more deep you can go, the more you can get back. That is a necessary path to be able to heal. Nobody knows what's going on inside you. You have to speak up.
Speaker 2 00:00:27 Hello and welcome to the Ad Heart podcast, inspiring forward movement and heart powered intention. I'm Deborah Rosman, a warm welcome to our listeners. My topic, this episode is Adding Heart to Fitness and Health, and my guest is Abdul Kari. Mel Jabbar, a former N F L football player for the Miami Dolphins, where he once led the league in touchdowns and he's now a holistic coach, certified in personal training, precision nutrition and fitness and also heart map. And Kareem works with executives and their families and often all three generations children, parents, grandparents on holistic fitness and health. And I wanted him to share with us some tips how we can add heart to our fitness and health regimes. He now teaches trainers to become holistic coaches, so I'm sure he will have some good advice for us. Welcome Abdul. We are oh, glad to have you with us.
Speaker 0 00:01:31 Oh, I'm more glad to be here. Thank you for that warm introduction, <laugh>.
Speaker 2 00:01:36 Yeah. Well, you know, June is Men's Health Month as well as the start of summer when this podcast launches. And it's when many of us start thinking more about exercise and fitness and getting out of the house. And I find with myself, sometimes I push too hard and sometimes I don't do enough. And I'm hoping you can give our listeners some important tips. But first I wanna talk about your discovery, cuz I found it fascinating that when you played football for UCLA and then the Miami Dolphins, that they trained you and the young athletes to tough it up. And you said if you were on the field and hurt, the coaches would come on the field and ask, are you hurt or are you injured? And if you were only hurt, you were meant to just keep on going. And I thought this distinction between hurt and injured was interesting and this culture of tough fed up and don't speak your real feelings. A lot of us approach exercise and fitness that way. So Kareem, what was your experience being advised to tough it up? How did it impact you and when did that begin to change? When did you realize that that's not true strength or courage for yourself? For men, for any of us.
Speaker 0 00:03:00 Yeah. You know, that, are you hurt? Are you injured? You know, that's, that's something that the older guys would say and, and tease us because they heard it from their coaches, you know? And even if we didn't hear that exact statement, we would, what we would hear is things that portrayed that. It might be, you know, if you, if you lay down on the field and you're, and you get injured, make sure that they bring out a stretcher cuz otherwise you shouldn't be laying down, you know, things like that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And, um, so, you know, and I mean, and our culture in is is that in sports, I mean, in 1996 you had Carrie strung who, who had her ankle hurt and, and finished her, you know, puer horse and won the gold. So it's a, it's a, it's a nature, it's a thing that we, you know, gravitate, like you said in in our country.
Speaker 0 00:03:48 Cuz we look at that, that tough it up mentality. The problem is, is that it can be like, tough it up gone wrong. You know, you see the girls wouldn't be able to, they couldn't even, they didn't, they didn't even want to speak their minds when they were sexually abused because they had this mentality that we have to do exactly what the coach says. And you have to look at like, the dynamic. I mean, you have this authority figure that's over you that you're trying to please or perform for you. Uh, you know, you're hurt. Um, your peers are in front of you and they're, you know, have this, these, this quote or these, you know, these words. Are you hurt or are you injured? First of all, uh, <laugh> hurt means physically injured, doesn't even make sense. But, but you know, those things shape you, you know, and, and, uh, and, and, and those scenes shape your whole being. So, you know, we have to take our time to try to dismantle that when it goes awry. And, you know,
Speaker 2 00:04:48 That's right. You know, uh, there's a whole cultural shift going on now. I notice it as a behavioral psychologist as well as, uh, leading heart math. I've learned that there's a shift to people really expressing for their mental health and physical health, what they really feel, having more the courage to share it. But you have to be first self honest, honest with yourself before you can really be honest with others. And I see that in so many areas. I mean, in mental fitness, emotional fitness, physical fitness, they're all linked together. And what are you finding as a holistic coach? Can you say more about that?
Speaker 0 00:05:34 Yeah, you know, well, you know, if I back up a minute, I'll, I'll tell you, like for me, there were three light bulb moments that really changed my thought process around, uh, being able to speak up. And, um, and, and yes, it is happening now. You see, uh, uh, the, you see it in in the tennis sports and, um, Osaka, and there's a lot of pe uh, um, Simone Biles who, who stood up and, and, uh, you know, uh, Michael Phelps. Uh, so there's a lot of that going on in sports now, which is, which is great. And it still, it still needs to be more, you know. Um, but I will tell you for me, you know, you, you couple with those things that you get from the coach or you heard, are you injured with the times where you saw somebody speak up? So for instance, a guy coming off the field, and I've heard these stories and seen some of them myself and witnessed some of them myself, guy coming off the field saying, coach, I'm dizzy, <laugh>, you know, and the coach says, son, hell, we all dizzy.
Speaker 0 00:06:37 Excuse my language, but that's, but that's what you know, and that, and, and, and get back out there. So, and you, I've, I've seen, uh, guys, uh, in the Super Bowl say with migraines, coach, I can't see my migraines are get, are killing me. Coach says, you don't have to see, but if you're not in there, they won't believe we're going to run. So I've seen a guy running down the field saying, um, I can't breathe. I have asthma. Coach, coach says, well, take your a over to the other field and have asthma. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So these are the things that we've seen that not only are you saying this to me, secondly, I've seen what it looks like to speak up. So you really are crushed. But for me, the three experiences that really changed my mindset was the, the, the first one was really my heart math, my first heart math, uh, uh, certification.
Speaker 0 00:07:24 And just understanding that, you know, I was, had thought that I had had this character of peace and zen and I can take anything and be quiet and stand strong. And I was proud of it. And in the heart map, I learned that it was withdrawal and that I was dying the death of a thousand paper cuts. And so, and I, and it, and it shocked me because I realized, man, I'm not a, you know, I, I thought I was at peace, but really I'm just, just closed off and, and, and non-responsive. And, and then, you know, my second experience was when I had to go, um, get an evaluation for worker's comp for my knee. And, you know, my, the average age of a knee replacement in the country is probably like 70 years old. At the time I was 40 and I needed a knee bad <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:08:09 And so I was definitely, you know, had a claim. But there's only three phrases that I've learned my whole life usually to express myself was I'm cool, I'm good, and I'm straight <laugh>. That's the only things I used to basically say. So. And I thought that that was enough. And, uh, so when the doctor said, you know, how do you feel? I said, I'm fine. But in my mind, I thought he would be able to evaluate me and look at my knee and see that I was really hurt. And then when the, when the papers came back on whether or not I would get the 10 to $15,000 award per month, they said, no, you don't get anything. You are 98% disabled. But you said you were fine <laugh> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So, I mean, I was like, okay, mind blown. And then my final time was the most poignant.
Speaker 0 00:08:52 It was when I suffered from psychogenic seizures where I was laid out on the ground for hours at a time, sometimes in the bathroom, couldn't walk, couldn't talk. And my whole life had been healthy, but all of a sudden I just dropped. And, uh, didn't really know what a psychogenic seizure was. It couldn't find a lot of help. Psychogenic simply kind of means, um, that it's more of a psychological nature versus like epi epileptic where it's like an electrical nature, uh, in the brain. But, um, you know, the, the change came though that, that last and final light bulb came on. When I read a book, I did some research myself, and I read a book on the foremost person in the country, in, in psychogenic seizures. And midway through her book, she said, psychogenic seizures are a way for the body to express what the mouth won't say. Oh. And I was like, wow, <laugh>. I said, for sure I have that.
Speaker 2 00:09:47 That is amazing. You know, I just wanna frame that for all of our listeners because it's, you're basically saying you even an extreme situation of that kind of denial and realization. But for a lot of us, there's these little denials that go on, and that integrity with self is really a new paradigm that we all need to embrace and learn how to do for our physical fitness as well as our mental, emotional health. And I think more people are waking up to the fact that it's all connected, that your mental, emotional, physical fitness are all connected. But what I'm curious is most of us have to go through phases of fear of being judged by others or judging ourselves if we're honest about what we feel. And how did you go from re that discovery, that those seizures were related to you not expressing your feelings to overcoming that fear of judging yourself or judging others? What, what was the courage it took to jump into a new, a new way of being?
Speaker 0 00:11:04 Well, I had to diagnose, why wouldn't I speak up? And it was basically, um, um, the thought that I'm complaining and that we should never complain. And I had to understand the difference between complaining and explaining. And I broke it down to simply this, can the person you're talking to help you? If they can, you're explaining if they can't, then it's probably a complaint. You can avoid it. Hmm. And for, for me, um, that is, um, that's where it lied, you know? And when it comes to, um, being judged, you don't really have to worry about being judged. If you're talking to, if you're explaining it to a person who's there to help you, you're going to get feedback. You're going to get, um, um, um, an evaluation and they're gonna give you some information based off what you was able to share if you was able to share in a true and vulnerable way.
Speaker 0 00:11:53 The more, the more deep you can go, the more you can get back. But, you know, that is a necessary path to be able to heal. Nobody knows what's going on inside you, you have to speak up. So, you know, and then, and then also what I find is that fear of, of, of being judged is really, um, has to do with ego that resides in your heart. And, you know, until you, and, and so you want to be able to let that dissolve. I mean, we, we, we don't make the sun, we don't make the rain. We, we, we can't make a fly or a nat. We can't even, you know, choose how much our kidneys are gonna cleanse our blood, or there's 80% of our bodily processes that we have no control over. So, you know, it has to humble us to know that there's so much out of our control.
Speaker 0 00:12:46 I have no reason to really be puffed up with so much ego into my heart that I can let that go and let me just get better. We're all on the same footing no matter how much I'm smiling or how bright my car is. Or if you are a human being, you have a struggle. So nobody's better than anybody else. Let me let it go. And, and, and, and, and it's, and it's a challenge. I still have ego there. I'm still having my pride there. And I, but I work on it daily, you know, to try to let it go and look for the signs that, okay, I'm, I'm afraid of, of, of speaking up because I don't wanna be judged. Ah, that's a little bit of ego. Let me see if I can fight this fight and get out and get, and get out of it, you know? Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 00:13:30 <affirmative> good advice. And I think we're all having to overcome that standard human characteristic. Call it ego, call it vanity, just call it the way we're brought up and feel. Yeah. Being shamed or blamed. And, you know, it's like you said, no one's better than anyone else. We're all in this together. So opening our hearts is the key to all of it has been my experience. Just opening the heart, and like you said, finding people you can talk to who are recognizing that we are all in this together. They're to help each other rather than continuing the more immature qualities of blaming and judging. But we're all learning and growing. So that's, to me, that, that's exciting. That opens new possibilities for relationships and for the planet and for fitness. You know, taking it back to the theme of this call, you know, people thinking about how do I become more fit? How do I become healthier? Especially men, this is Men's Health Month, and I think we're talking about an often overlooked issue that's at the key of listening to our heart's guidance on what is the appropriate balance for us. So what would you advise people, the listeners now who are embarking on their summer exercise or fitness programs, you know, what's your advice?
Speaker 0 00:15:02 You know, I would like to tell 'em, like, you know, if if you knew you had one vehicle that you had to carry with you your whole life, you know, how, how would you take care of that vehicle? Well, that, you know, our bodies are like that. We just have one body for this whole life. And so we have to treat it in a way that it's going to last us in a positive way over over the long haul. And so, um, you know, I, I love this quote from, um, uh, Dr. Butler from the, he's I think the director, uh, he is the director of, uh, or was the director of the National Institute of Asian, who says if exercise could be purchased an appeal, it would be the single most widely prescribed and beneficial medicine in the nation. And, you know, I mean, and he's really just trying to, uh, uh, speak to doctors and also speak to his, his, his cohorts.
Speaker 0 00:15:56 But for us, just understanding that exercise is, is one component. And, um, and my thought process about how to approach that is not, you know, we have like six other, um, focus points besides exercise. We have seven different things that we focus on for our holistic health exercise is an, is the anchor. And, uh, and it's, and it's extremely important. And, uh, but we have other things as well. But I will tell you, in terms of exercise, it's important that every six weeks you understand that you can make a positive change as long as you have three things, sufficient nourishment, sufficient rest, and a sufficient stimulus like exercise or work. If all, if you have all three of those, your body will be able to make an adaptation. If you don't, if one of them are lacking, then you probably, you know, you have a chance to stay the same maybe.
Speaker 0 00:16:54 And in unlikelihood you may regress some. So you can set yourself up where you can evaluate one goal every six weeks. And we break that down and we evaluate our trajectory every two with the question, how is this working for me? That one thing, that one objective, how are things working? You just simply ask yourself. And if it's good, you keep doing more of it. If it's not so good, you figure out, what do I want to change up? Yeah. Finally, you want to have your daily task and you wanna have reminders of them, and you want to be sure that the tasks that you've chosen to help you towards your goal, that there's a 90% likelihood that you will do them. If it's less than that high, if it's less than 90%, there's a great chance that you will not do it <laugh>. So that's how we approach our exercise.
Speaker 2 00:17:49 I I, I like that. Of course, having a coach, or I call them an accountability buddy, yes, is so important. And we can be that for each other. But, you know, it's still, I wanna come back to often the missing ingredient, which a coach can pull outta you, but we have to pull this out of ourselves if we don't have that. It had to do with the story that you shared about a health situation after your football career where even doing breathing exercises was painful for you. And a neurologist told you that when you do that breathing and you pause things long enough, you to feel what was really there. And that was that emotional pain. So, so often what stops us from following through with our intentions are forward movement, is feeling what's really there and addressing that. And, you know, this podcast is about adding heart at for forward movement and heart powered intention and feeling has information for us. It is so important. It is so powerful to know and acknowledge what we're feeling, cuz that can drag us away or it can empower us forward. And I want to know for optimal performance, what you learned about that.
Speaker 0 00:19:14 Well, it was super interesting because I was just doing my regular heart math breathing with, uh, my monitor on and trying to stay incoherent incoherence. And, and every time I'd just really get coherent and have my, my wave all pretty and big <laugh>, and they would, I would start to have, uh, my, my seizures. And I was like, like, wow, why can't I, what, what's wrong? Why is, why is my breathing causing these seizures? And so, uh, and it would happen consistently. And I finally found a good guy, uh, up in, uh, um, Baltimore, who, you know, studied psychogenic seizures. And, um, he said, basically what happens is, uh, you, you make yourself really busy so you can't feel, and when you slow down, you can actually feel what's happening. So now the body gets a chance to speak up, otherwise you're kind of moving really fast and you're doing it almost in a, in a way as a, like a drug to keep the body from even being for, for, for your emotions to e even be recognized.
Speaker 0 00:20:12 So, um, so it was a revelation for me. I was like, wow, okay. I, I, you know, um, this, this, this fast-paced lifestyle or just moving and going and not, and not pausing to, to check in enough has led me to a situation where, um, um, as, as you know, who knows whether the chicken came before the egg or what, whether or not I was doing that to hide it, but what it, what, what what I learned was that I said, okay, these emotions are here to tell me something. They don't have to, I, I mean, it's my intellect that tells back to the emotions what they mean. But we, it's a, it's a, it's a give and take. And so let me just sit with it. Let me listen to what it's saying and let me be inquisitive about it. Let me, let me give it a, a, a name or a flavor.
Speaker 0 00:21:01 Is it bitter or is it sweet? Like, ooh, that's, that's una. Here come that una, like, make a joke about it. Try to bring some levity to it so that it's so that the fear is gone once the, a lot of that fear is gone and you see, it's like, oh, okay, all of a sudden I started to shake less and less. I wasn't afraid of it. I could control it, we can play with it. I can choose when and where. And, and, you know, and, and also had to do the other work of being able to, you know, address, you know, why I was in the situation. But all of it was a combination of being able to sit with discomfort. You, that's why I love exercise, because you don't get to change until you get to discomfort. And you don't have to go into a crazy, uh, uh, uh, 10 times discomfort just a little bit past your comfort zone and just sit there for a little bit, feel it and come out of it. You will grow. Same things happens with our emotions. So I kind of, I use that, that technique.
Speaker 2 00:21:59 That's a wonderful wisdom for us to take into our parent meditation. We're going to do, to be able to feel, and even if it's uncomfortable to feel through the discomfort, or it's like they say, face the fear and embrace it, and then you come to the other side, or like, I know even just exercising, you know, that little extra strain and is, then the endorphins come and you get the, the uplift feeling. And you know, life is a lot like that. As long as we embrace the discomfort with love and care and not resist it, resisting the resistance just keeps us stuck. Mm-hmm. And so, you know, that I think is such a wise inspiration for all of us. So let's do the heart meditation and let's go into our hearts and feeling, and let's start by getting more heart coherence. So center in the heart and just breathe appreciation or gratitude for something about yourself or another person or life. Just find something you're grateful for, to increase your heart, brain, body coherence. Just breathe a little slower, a little deeper than normal. Just find an easy rhythm that's comfortable and note how you feel.
Speaker 2 00:23:54 Ask yourself where might you need to be more self honest about how you really feel or more honest with someone else? And just embrace whatever you're feeling with love and compassion and care. Now, ask your heart's intuitive guidance for clarity or inspiration and where you want to improve your physical fitness or your mental or emotional fitness for holistic wholeness health, where you want to improve physical fitness or mental or emotional fitness for wellness health. Listen to what your heart may be prompting you and whatever insight, inspiration you've had, or even just the next step towards something, grab onto it. And let's radiate your heart powered intention for forward movement in these areas. What do you, you need to do to step into it? Your next step for that forward movement? Now let's close this heart meditation by co-creating a reservoir of heart energy, let's radiate heart into an reservoir that each of us can access as needed over the next month when we ne when we need strength or courage to acknowledge and express how we feel, let's co-create this reservoir of heart energy that each of us can access as needed over the next month that we can tap into when we need that extra strength or courage to acknowledge and express how we feel.
Speaker 2 00:28:38 One of the gifts of creating this reservoir of hard energy together is we know that we're in it together. It's all a team sport, a team experience, because we're all here together, learning and growing. Kareem, is there anything else you'd like to share with our listeners?
Speaker 0 00:29:05 I just wanted to say thank you for that. That was wonderful. And, um, I wanna thank the listeners for taking out the time, um, to listen to me. And, uh, you know, I feel like, um, I don't know, like I could feel them and I'm really, really grateful, um, you know, more than they could imagine. Um, and it's just anytime, um, I'm in a position to share and, uh, take, you know, ownership and responsibility in that, it just, it, it feeds me back a lot and I'm, and I'm really grateful for the, uh, um, the time and attention that, you know, people have taken to, to listen.
Speaker 2 00:29:46 Well, thank you so much Kareem, for sharing. We appreciate you sharing what you've learned and gained with us so that we can actually grow from it and apply it ourselves. So, as a gift to our listeners, I also want to remind you all that you can get free access to the HeartMath experience, which is an amazing online video course with several helpful art math techniques for connecting with your deeper heart's, intuitive guidance and next steps, what we started today in this heart meditation to take it the next level for yourself. And we providing this for free, we want everyone to be able to connect more with their own heart and be able to add heart to their intentions and forward movement. So everyone, the third Tuesday of every month, we publish a new episode and just be sure you subscribe so you don't miss our next guest and topic. Take care.
Speaker 0 00:30:52 Take care. Thanks.
Speaker 4 00:30:54 Thank you for listening to the Ad Heart podcast. Be sure to subscribe so you can catch the latest episodes. If you're wanting even more heart inspired content, find us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and LinkedIn. Look for HeartMath and also the HeartMath Institute. Both organizations are committed to helping activate the heart of humanity.
