You've Done Everything Right, but Something's Missing

Speaker 0 00:00:00 Part of what our challenge is right now is that we have, in some ways created a hyper individualistic society. Mm-hmm. Where it's sort of like, it's my way. I do what I want. I live this, I do that. And while I am absolutely for people living in a way that feels authentic and true to them and to their heart, I think what we miss sometimes in that is the power and value of community and of just having others around us, um, to fill their cups and to let them fill ours. Speaker 2 00:00:39 Hi, I am Deborah Rosman and a warm welcome to our listeners. You've just heard from Leia Smart, my guest. And I'm really looking forward to our conversation on the topic of, you've done everything right, but something's missing. And I'm sure we've all felt that. And Leia has some interesting perspectives on that we're gonna talk about. And little background on her. She is on the LinkedIn editorial team exploring stories and ideas that increase clarity in our lives so we can live and work in a better world. And previously was a principal learning partner at LinkedIn where she consulted built design, facilitated human development work for leadership teams, and now she has a LinkedIn news op-ed exploring human potential and improving your life and world, more meaningful living. And her podcast, which I had the honor of being a guest on in the arena with Leah Smart, comes out every week. And so I really enjoyed the time that we had together on her podcast. So really wanted her to be on ours because she has so much to share about human development and potential. Leia, welcome. Speaker 0 00:01:57 Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. And, um, like you said, I loved having you on and, uh, people that listen to our show have also loved listening to you on in the Arena, so I'm glad we could do this exchange. Speaker 2 00:02:09 That's great. Speaker 0 00:02:11 Yeah. You know, Speaker 2 00:02:12 You studied human potential through positive psychology, which, uh, I studied years ago after heart math actually. And a lot of our research is when Marty Seligman started develop positive psychology and he and I met several times. You know, we're trying to understand all of us how we humans can become the best versions of ourselves, um, at work, at home, in life. What did you discover in your journey on that and, and has anything changed since the pandemic? Speaker 0 00:02:46 Yeah. So, um, I, I kind of fell into positive psychology on my search and, um, I heard someone say the other day that they found their sense of purpose and meaning, uh, through necessity. And that was certainly for me. You know, I had come to a point where I was feeling like, um, I'd done so many things in my life that felt on paper, right? I gone to the right schools, I'd all these, all these things. Um, gotten good jobs. I had great friends, uh, great relationships with my family. And I was like, this just, there's just something off. Um, so I actually fell into, not fell into, I should say, I approached, um, spirituality first and then found positive psychology in my search to figure out how we blend, um, the science of what we are learning with, uh, the ancient wisdom of what's existed. Speaker 0 00:03:45 And so I, I kind of fell into that and got really excited about the idea that both can be true. I think a lot of times we think that, you know, science or people in general think like, oh, science and spirituality don't belong together. What is spirituality? I mean, there are all these big questions that we all have and we may not have perfect answers to. Um, but what I feel like is the essence of the reason I'm doing this and the reason that, um, I get to interview people like you and that we have listeners, is that there are so many people out there who are looking for a sense of meaning and purpose in life. And historically we found it in lots of different places. Um, but it feels today that in, you know, I'm 35 and in my generation of millennials and in Gen Zers, um, we're, many of us are less, um, tied to some of the places we used to find a sense of meaning and purpose and feel a little more untethered. Speaker 0 00:04:45 So what I found is that I think we all have this desire to find meaning and purpose. Lots of us feel lost or feel misguided and that, um, there are plenty of ways to create and cultivate that. But when I look at, uh, some of the tenets around positive psychology and look at some research I've found, you know, ancient wisdom and, uh, my study of Kabbalah and Jewish mysticism, um, is that there are some core things that seem to tie it all together. Um, and so that's what I'm sort of asked for. And I'd say nothing has changed since, uh, the pandemic, except I think we need it even more. Speaker 2 00:05:28 So, Leah, you said not much has changed since the pandemic, except more people are really looking for meaning. And if you look at the craziness in the world, it's totally understandable what people are trying to find their way. Like where do I anchor myself? Cuz there's so much that's just unpredictable, we have to go deeper in our hearts and we can feel something's definitely missing personally, socially, globally, <laugh> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But I think I was so intrigued by what you said and the title of this, you've done everything right, but something's missing cuz at different times in life or even in a month, we can feel fulfilled and then no feel something's missing. What was your personal experience of that something's missing? What did you find missing? Speaker 0 00:06:20 Yeah, so, uh, what was missing for me was a sense of, uh, a sense of a connection to a deeper part of myself and to something greater than myself. Um, and I say that really specifically because I'm not talking, not that this is, um, that I'm saying that this is a negative, but I'm not talking specifically about one specific religion or one specific form of, you know, I was just hearing that a third of millennials call them, call ourselves the nuns, which is n o n E s, spiritual but not religious mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, right. So I'm talking about a connection to yourself and I'm talking about a connection to something greater. And I, like, I think everyone else in history, I'm not here necessarily, um, well, I won't say like everyone else in history, I'll say I am not here to define what that is. Speaker 0 00:07:13 I am here to share that that's a way forward that can be really meaningful. And my experience was, um, you know, I grew up in California. I have always wanted to, um, live in New York. I moved to New York. I had a great job. I had a great life. I was living in an apartment by myself. I mean, it was all the things, right? All the material level dreams had kind of manifested. And, you know, I was in my late twenties and realized that even with all of that, I was still experiencing anxiety to the point that I didn't, I didn't, I didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't know what it was. I thought I was able, I was just gonna be able to do these things and all of a sudden I would feel great and I would be happy and it would be happily ever after forever and ever. Amen. You know, and that was not the case. So, um, what I realized was that I had, was putting so much, uh, worth and value into the external world and what was going on outside of me that I had put so little investment in stock into what was going on inside of me. So my missing was the inward journey. Speaker 2 00:08:19 Yeah. Oh, that's very well said. You know, I have a lot of compassion for younger generation people your age and younger who are sort of searching, trying to find their way in the all the noise. And it really does end up saying, what is the inner journey? And there doesn't seem to be a lot guidance for that younger generation resonates with, like, for myself, a baby boomer, that was a whole wave when I was in my twenties, everybody was starting to meditate or look within, or it was like a novelty thing to find that inner guide. And obviously HeartMath has been all about how do you connect with that inner guidance system so that you really can rely on it and build that connection of awareness that your heart's intelligence is there to really guide you like a best friend. But how do you communicate, how do you reach out? I mean, my care, my compassion is there's got to be a way and you're doing it so well as a voice for this younger generation. Um, we had a lot of hope and idealism and it's, it's hard to have idealism right now. There's so much, like you said, anxiety, overwhelmed, depression. Um, many have lost hope, which is understandable. How do we, how do you reach people? How do you see this shifting? Speaker 0 00:09:54 You know, I, um, think you start with like changing yourself and then you change the world, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, I, I do deeply believe, you know, as I, as I continue to do more research, I'm certainly still working all of this out for myself. And hopefully I will be for the rest of my life, like all of us working all of this out. Um, I deeply believe that, you know, um, being of service to others and contributing is very important. And it is like, it is where we get, I think so much of our meaning, purpose, and value. But if you don't start with yourself and start with, um, where you are and how you relate to you and your relationship in there, it's really tough to give all of the love that you have, which can be, you know, love, love can be compassion, love can be friendship, love can be romantic love, love can be support. Speaker 0 00:10:44 There's so many ways that we can give love. Uh, if we can't give that to ourselves, I don't really believe that we can give the full extent of it to anyone else either. Um, certainly we can love things right, more than maybe we love ourselves, but, um, I don't think we can give our full extent of the love that we have unless we've, we've peeled that back. So part of me believes, or a large part of me believes that, uh, it's about changing our relationship to ourselves and then, uh, figuring out whatever the way is that we want to impact or contribute to the world. These things can, you know, you turn the news on for five minutes and you go, how am I ever supposed to make a difference? Hmm. But the reality is like, it's not up to you and you and you and each in individual to make the difference in, to make a difference at such a large scale. Speaker 0 00:11:28 It's up to each of us to decide how we wanna make a difference and go forth. And so I always phrase it as you're changing your corner of the world. Could that just be you and your partner or you and a couple of friends, or you and your children? Of course, because more, the more of us that do it, if just each of us decided we would make our families and our, our small communities better because we changed ourselves and we supported other people in doing the same, our world would transform. So I, I think that our connection to each other through the media, through social media is incredible. And that we can see, we can talk to somebody across the world at any given time, but some of what it does, it, it, it changes our relationship to the localized impact we can have. And I believe that that's, uh, that is something that so many of us can, can cultivate to feel more empowered about changing the world. Speaker 2 00:12:19 Oh, that's beautifully said. You know, there is, from our research, and I think a lot of people feel this, especially once you start looking within, there is a hard awakening happening at the same time as all this chaos in the external world. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, the heart is where we feel that connection. The heart is where you can feel a hole in the heart or where something's missing. And that's where we wanna feel full. And like you said, it's when the heart is full, is what we have to give to others. And it's where people of diverse belief systems, cultures, religions, political beliefs, gender persuasions, all of that backgrounds can finally come together and get along mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so it's a central place that we all have in common, may have different beliefs and minds and backgrounds, but we all pretty much have similar feelings. Speaker 2 00:13:18 Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and, you know, and I think that's, that's the message, or one of the messages of HeartMath that I feel I'm, we're trying to bring to the world, the at heart podcast is that's where you can fill the missing place. But we doesn't start with that connection with oneself mm-hmm. <affirmative>, and, you know, people are so protective out of insecurity of their points of view, their beliefs, judgmental and fearful of others. The separation we see is so extreme, you know, that right now. But the heart and our just being kind and compassionate is a non-threatening common denominator in conversations, you know, um, our surgeon general, Dr. Murphy just released an advisory this month on loneliness. And like we have an epidemic of loneliness. It's quite amazing what they found in the health, mental health, physical health consequences. Even though people are more connected than ever online, they're very lonely, meaning their heart's not connecting. And he suggests just being kind, just a few acts of, of care and respect and compassion can help feel that whole. So a movement of heart base compassion and cooperation is what he's saying we need for this epidemic. And I thought that was really fascinating because that's certainly what the research of HeartMath is finding and the research of science coming together with spirituality, as you said, is so important to move people to go within, to connect. And just wondering if what you've thought about all this. Speaker 0 00:15:03 Yeah. You know, um, I I think we've all experienced loneliness at some point or another. We've all been, you know, you can be in a crowd of people and feel lonely. You can be by yourself and feel lonely. Um, loneliness and aloneness are two different things. Um, it's funny though though, that, you know, when you're lonely, your first reaction is to go even further into yourself, you know, and away from others. And you like sequester yourself. Like you, you're some sort of like, you know, like, like you're not supposed to be in society because you feel lonely, but the antidote to loneliness is to find somewhere to reach out or reach within or, or, um, not reach within, but to reach out. Because we're supposed to be here to be connected to each other. And part of what stirs up for me is, you know, we've, we live in, you know, the United States. Speaker 0 00:15:54 And, um, I love, I mean, I, I feel so fortunate for so many reasons to live here. And I think part of what our challenge is right now is that we have in some ways created a hyper individualistic society. Mm-hmm. Where it's sort of like, it's my way. I do what I want. I live this, I do that. And while I am absolutely for people living in a way that feels authentic and true to them and to their heart, I think what we miss sometimes in that is the power and value of community and of just having others around us, um, to fill their cups and to let them fill ours. And, uh, I think because right now our nation, and I think the world is so divided, but our nation is very divided. Um, it makes it harder to just connect in the way we all used to, it seems. Yeah. Um, yeah. Speaker 2 00:16:48 No, I agree. And human beings are social creatures. I mean, if you just look at, uh, anthropology, we're our babies. We wanna connect emotionally. And somehow this individualistic concept has isolated us more and more and people are looking for their tribe. They're looking for meaning, they're looking for connection. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I thought it was really interesting, you know, having looked at positive psychology years ago about how to be positive, how to lift your attitude, which changes how you perceive and think. You talk about applied positive psychology and I was curious mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what does applied mean and why is that different? Speaker 0 00:17:34 Yeah. So, um, the way I think about it or look at it is that, um, I think my, my job, uh, not my job I get paid for, but the job, you know, what I'm supposed to be doing here is I'm someone who is an, I am an incessant learner. I am super curious. I love going and digging and doing the research and understanding things more for myself. Um, I recognize that not everyone has a time, space or interest in doing that, but every single person wants to be happier. Every single person wants to be better, right? Um, they just may not know how to get there. And so part of my goal in, I mean, the essence of what I do with the show and my work is I'm trying to take the things that have felt inaccessible and make them accessible. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, when they talk about applied positive psychology, um, the purpose of, you know, the program that's at Penn that Martin Seligman started is that it's actually a program you do while you're working with the idea being that you go right back into your current environment of work, whatever it is, um, whether it be that you're in a corporation or you're running your own business and working with people and coaching them, that you are immediately giving people what they need instead of disappearing for 12 months only to come out and say, here's what I think you can do. Speaker 0 00:18:44 And so, you know, that's the, the piece to me of applied is what are we learning and how do you put it into practice right away? And I, I think we can get stuck sometimes in the, you know, I'm not a huge fan of like, just the tips and tricks and strategies and here's, here's the one, two threes of how you do it. But I do see the value in giving people, uh, tools they can start to use, because this all starts as just scratching the surface a little bit. And so to me that's what applied means is what can you do today right away that can help change you in some way, shape, or form on your way to becoming transformed. Speaker 2 00:19:16 That's wonderful. And that's why tools, bringing it to the street as a terminology, we use a lot of heart math, applying what you do and what you shift inside yourself and taking it into action. So thank you for that. And that's a great lead in to our heart meditation, what we're gonna do together of adding hard energy to whatever might be missing in our lives, to see what our next step is. So let's do this together. Let's shift to our focus in the area of the heart just center there. And as we breathe in through the area of the heart and out through the area of the heart begins to bring our autonomic nervous system and our heart rhythms into increased coherence means breathe through the heart area, some appreciation for yourself, for each other, for the good things in your life, cuz that helps increase your heart coherence and how the heart and brain can sync up. Speaker 2 00:20:51 Now ask yourself, if you've done everything best, you know, but something still missing applies to you, what might that be? Just get in touch with that. Or was something shared today that was an aha or meaningful for you? Get in touch with that now, as you continue heart focus and heart focused breathing, listen to your heart. Ask your heart's intuitive guidance for any inspiration or clarity and what your next step is either to fill that missing part or next step toward increasing your meaningful experience of life. Your fulfillment just quietly sense. Any response, any thoughts, any feelings you sincerely ask. You may not get an answer right in the moment, but usually that sets energies in motion for something to come to you today, tomorrow that answers that question. Speaker 2 00:22:57 Now, whatever came to you, even if it's just a feeling of weight, let go. Whatever, just radiate your heart powered intention, your heart energy into that for forward movement in your next steps. Now let's close by co-creating a reservoir of heart energy. It's putting our heart into imagine a reservoir of a collective heart energy that each of us can tap into, can access as needed over the next month when we feel something missing or we need support to follow through on our heart's direction. We're here for each other. And that heart energy can really help amplify our own heart's guidance. Let's co-create this reservoir. Let's know that as we radiate genuine love, care, compassion, kindness through our hearts energetic field, we are giving, we are nurturing ourselves as we give to the world. Thank you so much, Leia. Is there anything else you'd like to share with our listeners? Speaker 0 00:25:36 You know, I just heard about this book, um, and I can't believe I hadn't heard of it before, but, um, I've read an, I've read another for books. It's by La Moth and it's called Help. Thanks. Wow. And I'm sure you've heard of it or read it or something, but it's a book about prayer. And so I came to me when we were doing this was, um, you know, prayer isn't just for any specific person or religion or anything. It's, it's the way that you can start to create and cultivate relationships with yourself and something bigger. And so, you know, help thinks, wow, I like better. So powerful. Yeah. <laugh>, Speaker 2 00:26:15 That's lovely and fun. And I think that's real important for us. We can get so serious and we just need the heart's light and fun as well. And thank you for sharing that. Speaker 0 00:26:27 Yeah, thank you so much for having me. Speaker 2 00:26:30 Well, also, as a gift to all our listeners, I want to let you know you can get free access to an amazing online video course, the HeartMath Experience, to learn several helpful tools for connecting with your deeper hearts, intuitive guidance and next steps so you can follow through and it's free. Just go to the HeartMath website and download it. And I wanna remind you that the third Tuesday of every month we publish a new episode. So be sure you subscribe to the adhar podcast so you don't miss our next guest and topic. So thank you so much, Leah. Take care everyone. Speaker 0 00:27:11 Thank you so much for having me. Speaker 3 00:27:15 Thank you for listening to the Ad Heart Podcast. Be sure to subscribe so you can catch the latest episodes. If you're wanting even more heart inspired content, find us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and LinkedIn. Look for HeartMath and also the HeartMath Institute. Both organizations are committed to helping activate the heart of humanity.