Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: I think the invitation is instead of trying to change uncomfortable feelings into more loving feelings or more uncomfortable parts of myself into more loving parts of myself, can we begin meeting ourselves as love meets us? We don't have to like the parts, we don't have to like how we feel. But can we see that when we suffer or the most uncomfortable, we're in the greatest need of the love? That we need to be whole and to remember how whole we truly are. And so every time we are sensing thoughts or emotional reactions, these are the parts of self that are begging for the remembrance of spirit.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Deborah Rosman and a warm welcome to our listeners each month for the adheart podcast. I have the privilege of interviewing individuals who are contributing to the creation of a more heart based world.
And my guest this month is Matt Kahn, a teacher, healer, speaker and author of the highly acclaimed books Whatever Arises. Love that everything is here to help you and the universe always has a plan. They've been translated into more than a dozen languages, but I'm mostly interested in his newest book, All For Love the Transformative Power of Holding Space, which won a Gold Ippy award, independent publishers and is topping bestsellers lists. Matt has become a YouTube sensation with his healing and often humorous videos with 22 plus million YouTube channel views. And people are finding relief from the challenges of daily life through his heart centered messages and solutions that ignite, delight and unite. Welcome, Matt. Welcome to our podcast.
Well, you know, our topic is Love in Action and it's going to be released right before Christmas. And I thought this was such an opportune time. When we look at the world, we can wonder how possibly can love heal? All the divisions going on, divided by race, gender, sexual orientation, identity preference, opinions, polarizing about political views, moral and social chasms, it goes on and on. The pain and confusion that you see our differences as golden opportunities to explore the depth of our interconnectedness and love and beauty and unity are wonderful ideals. So the question is, how do we get there?
[00:02:49] Speaker A: It's a great question and what an incredible time in history we're at to really approach this subject.
When I think about the state of the world, I think about the difference between a ceasefire and peace. Like, when you have two countries that are colliding and clashing, a ceasefire means they both agree to stop hurting each other.
Peace is actually different from a ceasefire because what we've seen historically is you have countries that can agree to stop warring, but then there's some conflict that brings the war back into action. True peace is actually when two opposing sides agree to mutually serve the needs of the other side. So, for example, if I'm having a disagreement with someone, I could be in conflict with them because I could say my side is more valid if only they can see my side. And they're probably thinking the same thing. But if I take an interest in what the other person needs, and if I decide to give of myself and say, hey, despite our differences, here's what I'm going to give of myself to serve the needs that you have over there.
And if they can agree to serve my needs, we both can be in a state of peace. But even if they don't agree, I'm choosing to step into the frequency of peace. I am bringing greater heart coherence by. Instead of focusing on what point I have to prove or what I think is more relevant in either of our narratives, I'm focusing my attention on what do I have the power to give to support the needs of the other side? Because when we look at war beyond the political theater, we're looking at two opposing sides that both have disparity in needs. And if we as a world can start serving the needs of each other, we can start to serve our own needs by learning how powerful we are to be helpful in the lives of others. We start to develop such heart coherence that we actually don't need to find common ground with the differences of others. It's just that we don't let differences get in the way of serving the needs of another person, giving them a course corrective experience of the other, not being scary, not being an enemy. But that when we open up to the other, the other can be a support system and then they get inspired to be more helpful instead of maintaining their standpoint of hurt. So I truly believe that the way we help the world in a state of division like this is that those of us who are already anchoring heart coherence, we step forward to give other people a course corrective experience of other instead of other being unknown, foreign or scary. We become a resource they didn't know they had.
[00:05:50] Speaker B: Beautifully said. I'm hearing you say those of us who are aware.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:05:57] Speaker B: To do that. Because if you look at the Ukraine Russia conflict, you look at historical Jewish conflict with the Arabs, I mean, that goes back thousands of years and there hasn't been much care about the other's needs. It's been me or them. And who's going to win?
[00:06:17] Speaker A: Absolutely. And yet I think one of the things we have to ask ourselves, and I totally agree with you, is why is this playing out in the awareness or being witnessed by a world of beings that are at various evolving levels of consciousness? Now, for some people, what they see in the world is going to confirm their most limited beliefs. That's going to put them into fight, flight and survival mode. But for those that are going through the awakening of heart centered consciousness, for those of us that are stepping forward to really be the change we want to see in the world. Our witnessing of this ancient clashing and colliding of differences gives us an opportunity to respond differently and beautifully. Those of us that are here to respond differently are in a position to respond differently where there are people in those countries that really don't have the awareness or the space from intensity and battle to be able to right now respond differently. So we lead the way responding differently. We create, as you would say, a heart coherence, a greater field that allows even those in conflict to begin responding differently. And we ripple it out. And it really begins with those of us who are witnessing from the sidelines and say what energy can I bring forth so we can instead of repeating the past, we can begin rewriting it.
[00:07:44] Speaker B: Yes, enough is enough, right?
And so that means when you say that to yourself I know I did when I was 21 years old about something I dug deep in my heart and that's when my whole life started to change. It clicked on something in the universe and things change. And I think that's true of the physics of consciousness and how it works. And you talk about people remaining aligned with their highest truths and values while holding space for the experience of others. Yes, say more about that. How do you suggest people do that?
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Well, I think the first step when someone hears this opportunity to be the change they want to see in the world, a lot of people will think easier said than done, or waiting for other people to do it. But really the shift that I have been teaching for so many years because when I came into this field there were so many different goals people had spiritually, but they had this many paths to seek it, but not to actually become it. And when I began bringing forth from the universe and really what became just spontaneously ripe in my awareness was that the unhealed wounds within ourselves are actually reminders of when we need more self love. And that the more we love ourselves, the more connected to Source energy we happen to be. Because if Source is infinitely wise and infinitely loving, every time we love ourselves, we're putting ourselves on the same side of spirit to experience oneness through the emotional body instead of feeling separated from Source or less than that frequency. And so when we hear invitations like this, the first opportunity is to help ourselves. And can we start to see when my mind is agitated with mental clutter instead of trying to avoid it? What if I treated all parts of me like a child in need? And what if when my mind is noisy, it's a reminder to stop and love my mind? What if when my emotions are triggered, it's an opportunity to release those cellular memories by loving my heart? And really the invitation I like to offer because what happened to me in my spiritual journey is I had spontaneous awakenings and connections to the universe. I knew the universe to be infinitely wise and infinitely loving, but I was perplexed that there were so many different paths to a wise, loving source that always weren't the most loving approach to that connection. So what struck me was that if we're here to remember a wise, loving source, then the path to that remembrance must be just as loving. So instead of battling our minds, instead of trying to pry our heart chakras open, what if whatever arises is here to be loved? And what happens is as we love ourselves more, not less, we find ourselves holding space, right? We're not battling, we're not judging, we're not trying to exchange one human experience for a higher spiritual experience. We're actually loving those parts in ourselves. And it's actually a training ground that as we love ourselves, it makes us more patient and tolerant in being able to what I say is hold space. But really what that means is to be present with the healing experiences other people are going through that may or may not translate into them acting from their highest conduct or character and without putting ourselves in a space to be taken advantage of, to really observe through the eyes of compassion how everyone is on a healing journey. Maybe not always processing it in the highest consciousness, but if we love ourselves as a regular practice, we're able to hold a loving space and guide people through their healing journey. Often a healing journey they don't even know they're on.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: No, I love that. I think what you're suggesting, the theme love in action yes. Not separating the love you feel for anything from anything else. Because love in action would be applying or feeling or least the attitude of love. If you can't always evoke the emotion to whatever comes up inside you or with others.
And that can be an exercise for people to say, well, how do I love the terrorist? Or how do I love somebody else's actions that are hurtful to others? And how then do I even love myself? The areas where I've made mistakes and feel guilt or hurt or pain or where someone's hurt me. Even if you conceptually know that's what you should do because the loving that's often where love and action stops and where people feel it's selfish to love myself. There's all these complexities around what you're talking about.
[00:12:57] Speaker A: Absolutely. And I think that one of the biggest misunderstandings about love is that it gets mixed up with like, right, like when we are loved by our family, it means they like and approve of me or when I am in love, this is someone that I super duper like. And when we talk about loving a terrorist, people say, well, I don't like their behavior or respect their behavior, so I'm going to withhold love often in a reward and punishment style pattern which can be indicative to how we experienced love when we were being raised. But really what love is doing is love is sharing the vibration of our soul's essence, reflecting the light of source as a way of saying I share love with those who I see are suffering in pain. Now, we either see people suffering in pain because they're the ones being victimized or we see people suffering in pain by those who do the victimizing. And so we begin to see that whether playing the role of a terrorist or a victim, both sides are suffering and suffering is a request for love. So what happens is as we learn to love ourselves more unconditionally, our ego plays less of a role of being in charge of who we do and don't love. Because love is no longer about what I condone and who I like. Love is how I deliver healing energy to help interrupt the pattern. So a terrorist can hurt less people, so a victim can be less victimized moving forward. And we're actually doing it to break cycles of violence throughout our world. For if we want to live in a peaceful world more love needs to go to all the hearts that are healing the patterns that perpetuate this unconsciousness. So really as we start to see that love is separate from like we start to see it as a way of delivering healing energy to help all people in the world to feel their experiences without taking them out on other people.
[00:15:03] Speaker B: And coming back to loving ourselves which can be the hardest thing to do.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:15:09] Speaker B: We feel part of ourselves are bad.
When we start to feel badly about something then it translates into I'm bad. And changing that around so that you can radiate hard energy or love to those thoughts and feelings and attitudes is so critical to be able to do the other love that you're talking about that's real and genuine to another person. Absolutely.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: And I think if we talk about ourselves, let's take a part that thinks it's bad.
The misstep people have is that they're trying to get a part that defines itself as bad, undesirable or unworthy and they're trying to get it to believe in or trust love. And if we have memories where the people that loved us were the people that disrespected or hurt us, that word love has a very mixed message in there. And so if there is a part of ourselves that thinks it's bad or doesn't deserve love or is unworthy, the first step in spaceholding is really to dialogue with this part of ourselves and to really allow that part to be valid, to be heard, and to say, hey, I would love to know more about what makes you feel that way. I want to befriend this part. So holding space is really about creating these bridges of connection. And so if I have a part that says I am bad and I'm trying to love it. By me loving it, I'm actually trying to invalidate its experience. And if it accepts my love, it walks away feeling more defeated. So if I say to that part, hey, it's okay that you feel really terrible, I really hear what you're saying and I would just love to hear more about what you mean by that. And even if I sit there and nothing happens, it's like we're being these foster parents who sit outside of a closet that your newly adopted child is hiding in. And we say, honey, I'm just going to sit here with you. You can come out whenever you feel safe enough to do so. And we have to learn what holding space really means, which is giving these parts the right to be seen and heard on their terms. Because often when we're trying to love these parts, these parts think another person is trying to change me and they're just going to leave me and abandon me in the end. And so we really have to change the way we relate to ourselves and in fact we're being the love that the other parts haven't found or don't sense. And so we're not trying to change what these parts believe, we're actually just trying to be interested, present, thoughtful and compassionate. And we wind up melting the walls of these defenses as these parts start to realize I can say not so spiritual things, I can say unpopular things and it's not pushing you away. And then all of a sudden these parts start to lean in a little bit and we start to build a little bit of trust. And once we start to build trust, then the love can be received. So I like to look at these parts, the darkest parts that we'll find in ourselves as this is where we start to build trust by being consistent. And it's just like being a foster parent and waiting for your child to come out of the closet. It's very similar.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: Lovely. We use the term befriending a lot at heart math too. Love that again, embracing with the heart energy is that steps towards unconditional love process.
Our mission and our research and tools all about heart, brain coherence and synchronization also enables how the heart can access a higher vibration or a bigger picture. In other words, you see the situation that part of yourself that's afraid of or was wounded with very differently. So you're seeing it in a totally new light which gives you more power of objectivity and ability to take the bad out or take out the identity and heal with love. So I think that's super important for people, at least for me, it was to accelerate that clearing process, accessing a bigger picture. And it was like, wait a minute, this wasn't even real that I spent all these years and feeling bad about. And that's very hopeful. But it also still requires the continuity of, like you say, holding space and loving until it's cleared from the cells.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: Well. And just to add to that, that what I have found in my teaching and my approach as a healer with so many people over the years, for the last 18 years, is that what happens is that they'll come. Into a state of self love or heart, coherence briefly, then, they're going to want to go into the big picture, which is very alluring. And I totally understand, because when they go into the big perspective, there's more insight instead of judgment, and it feels better than it does when they're in the pain. So I totally understand that. But what happens is that the part that is just starting to trust starts to sense our consciousness going into a higher dimension as mom or dad abandoning me again. And so what happens is if we learn to actually create a relationship of trust with these parts in our heart, with these aspects of ego, it's kind of like having a child that you love it and give it enough consistent attention so that when mom and dad go to work, they don't fear being abandoned. And so I think what's happened in the past is we go into heart coherence because everyone is known for in the spiritual path. People know the power of heart coherence as a launching pad, and they go, okay, go in there as fast as possible, then let's get out of here and go do the fun stuff. And those parts feel abandoned and perceive the higher dimensional wisdom like an older sibling that gets the attention. So what I'd like to offer in this contribution of healing is let's really be with these parts. Let's not treat these parts like we're trading it in for higher dimensional perspectives, but really just surrender into loving ourselves, letting the bigger perspective come, but letting it come while we stay in our bodies so that our innocence, our inner child, feels nurtured and one with its parent, while the parent expands its view to a higher dimensional reality. And when we bring the higher dimension in versus going out to it, we have less abandonment to work out in our healing journey. And it lets us become more integrated and embodied expressions of heart centered consciousness.
[00:22:16] Speaker B: The new energies coming in, we have to integrate them into our cells with love. And there's no hiding or getting around the fact that whatever is still in the cells needs loved and released.
[00:22:29] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:22:30] Speaker B: So it's really what we're talking about is what we've discovered or learned is the operational system to do that, the operating system, how human consciousness works.
[00:22:41] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:22:41] Speaker B: And we're all having to navigate this current transitional tumultuous time in the world where old structures, the old stuff, are breaking down.
Old stuff that we thought we healed and cleared dozens of years ago or more recently is coming back up.
And a lot of people I hear are feeling like, what did I do wrong? Nothing. It's just the rest of what has to come up within people and within the world. So that at this time, a lot of new possibilities and new structures have yet to take shape. So this whole awakening and shift, as we all call it, going on, where we're realizing we're all being asked to help create the new by what we do, by how we love.
[00:23:31] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: How do you see this transitional time?
[00:23:35] Speaker A: I see it following a very specific formula that I've been tracking for the last many years. And the formula of when the world and the collective level goes into an unconscious, explosive type experience to give the world a chance to really usher in a new consciousness. The formula is always transcendence follows absorption. So we first start in an absorption. So right now, the Middle East conflict, which we could talk about as the war between two different sides of polarity, talk about objectification, what belongs to me versus you, all of this is what we're being absorbed in. And so just like in the George Floyd time, we got absorbed into bringing into greater consciousness a systemic level of racism that most people didn't know really existed. So before we really get to an embodiment of peace, we have to bring what's being healed into greater awareness. So right now, we're being absorbed in our awareness. In this conflict of duality and polarity, we're seeing two different sides clashing over what's mine and what's yours and who started what. And we're really seeing these two sides clash. We're all being absorbed into the clashing of polarity. So what then follows that clashing is the harmony, the oneness that comes out of the two different sides. And so transcendence is like a gravity that carries us into the harmony and we're building up the pressure for that release in this time of absorption. So when I'm working with so many people around the world, in my audience, just like you all are, it's really about how do we allow ourselves to move through this stage of absorption in the most heart centered way, right? How do we relax our nervous systems and how do we train our nervous systems to identify with the love we give ourselves and not just impathing the energy of the world around us? And so that's really the work at hand and really why loving ourselves in the way I'm describing it is more essential now than it ever has been before, because we're going through these stages of absorption, absorption so we can be totally aware of what's been under the rug for so many years and lifetimes. And as we become aware of it, it builds up this pressure for an inevitable release that brings us all to a higher level of peace and unity, consciousness, where more and more people in this world can begin acting from this space. As we start to recreate the world from the inside out, from this new degree of unity, consciousness, or as we would say, heart coherence.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: Yeah, beautifully said. Well, as you know, heart mass about our personal heart coherence, social coherence between families, others, getting along with each. I mean, if we don't learn to get along, nothing will change. And like you started off by talking about that really. And then global coherence, how we connect with that, interconnectivity with nature, with the Earth, and facilitate this heart field environment to help accelerate this shift to love and care and compassion, caring for self, caring for the world.
[00:27:01] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:27:01] Speaker B: And I really honor what you're doing. We're all in this together, doing it in the way we're guided to. So let's all do a heart meditation together. Sure, connect with our own heart's connection to this shift going on.
So let's just breathe in some love, get still inside.
And as you breathe out, radiate love and care and heart energy into yourselves.
See your heart energy and love embracing and accepting all that's in yourselves.
Now envision yourself, having more compassion, compassionate latitude for yourself and others, realizing everyone is doing the best they know.
And just commit from your heart to clearing miscommunications and listening to your heart feelings for direction and how to love yourself, others and the world.
I'll breathe in, what your heart's direction is, what your heart's guiding you to do, and step into putting that love into action by breathing that intention into the Earth.
Now, let's radiate our collective heart energy, our collective love, care and compassion to all who are suffering from the wars going on and the major divisions to send our love and heart energy to all who are suffering.
And now let's close by co creating a reservoir of heart energy that each of us can tap into as needed over the next month to help reconnect with our heart's guidance and direction to create that reservoir collectively.
Thank you all so much for sharing that heart meditation with each other and with me and Matt.
Matt, is there anything else you'd like to share with our listeners?
[00:31:40] Speaker A: I think of this pivotal time in history. And again, thank you so much for that beautiful meditation and this opportunity to connect with you and everyone who's listening. I think the invitation is instead of trying to and this is the common notion, change uncomfortable feelings into more loving feelings or more uncomfortable parts of myself. Into more loving parts of myself. Can we begin meeting ourselves as love meets us?
We don't have to like the parts, we don't have to like how we feel. But can we see that when we suffer or the most uncomfortable, we're in the greatest need of the love that we need to be whole and to remember how whole we truly are. And so every time we are sensing thoughts or emotional reactions, these are the parts of self that are begging for the remembrance of spirit that we can usher in by loving ourselves more, not less. And so it's not trying to go from being one kind of person to a more loving kind of ego character, but allowing all parts of self to show us when and where to send love more often and to really remember that our personal bodies are the map of the world. And while we are loving the parts that call out for love individually, we're also sending love to the parts of the world where conflict is being eased by the light of unity. So we are both healing ourselves individually and answering the prayers of the world to send love where healing energy needs to go. One I love you at a time.
[00:33:24] Speaker B: Thank you so much. Lovely.
Well, as a gift to our listeners, I want to remind you all that you can get free access to the HeartMath experience, which provides some helpful techniques for doing what Matt's saying. It's amazing. Online video course connecting with your deeper heart's, intuitive guidance, loving yourself and your next steps from your own heart's direction.
And if you want to have more learning on heart centered living, you can check out the new HeartMath app at your App Store.
Every me Tuesday of every month, we publish a new adheart episode, so be sure you subscribe so you don't miss our next guest and topic. And Matt, I've thoroughly enjoyed this dialogue we've had and thank you so much for your heart and care.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: Thank you. Likewise. It's my honor.
[00:34:21] Speaker C: Thank you for listening to the adheart podcast. Be sure to subscribe so you can catch the latest episodes. If you're wanting even more heart inspired content, find us on Facebook, in Instagram, YouTube and LinkedIn. Look for HeartMath and also the HeartMath Institute. Both organizations are committed to helping activate the heart of humanity.
